Adventures In Raccoon-Sitting

THE RACCOONS FAN FICTION

ADVENTURES IN RACCOON-SITTING

Written by Stephen Ricketts & Jacob Turner

The Raccoons © Evergreen Raccoons Marketing Inc.
Michelle Raccoon © Michelleraccoon
Alvin and the Chipmunks © Bagdasarian Productions & DiC Entertainment.


EVERGREEN FOREST: THE SNEER MANSION
Dave the wolf knocked on the main door, with a package.
DAVE: ‘Delivery!’
The Pigs answered the door.
DAVE: (looking at the note pad) ‘Package for a Mr. and Mrs. Cedric Sneer. Are you them?’
FLOYD: ‘Do we look like them?’
Cedric and Sophia ran up to the door.
CEDRIC: ‘We’re here, Dave.’
DAVE: (sarcastically) ‘Whoop-de-doo.’
SOPHIA: ‘You got a package for us?’
DAVE: ‘Yes I do. (Holds out the pad) Sign right there.’
Cedric signed the pad and Dave gave them the package and walked off.
CEDRIC: ‘It’s from the Chipmunks.’
SOPHIA: ‘And the Chipettes.’
They looked at the note. It said “Dear Cedric & Sophia Sneer. We know you wanna wait 'til you're ready to start a family. But we thought you should be prepared. So we've discussed it, and we've sent you some of our old, unbreakable toys which we had as babies. We hope you will like 'em, cuz we sure do. See you and the Raccoons soon. XOXO The Chipmunks and the Chipettes.” They opened the package, and inside (besides the traditional toy trucks, building blocks, etc.) were plush versions of Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor - some of the same ones which the Chipmunks and Chipettes had received during their adventure in "The Chipmunk Adventure".
SOPHIA: (holding some of the plushes) 'Aw, how cute.'
Also inside the package was a CD case with another note attached saying - "PS - Please tell Mr. Sneer not to worry about the songs on this CD we made for you. They are all suited for infants and pre-schoolers."
CEDRIC: ‘Pop’s not gonna like that.’
Sophia giggled.

CYRIL SNEER’S OFFICE
Cyril was talking on the phone.
CYRIL: ‘Hello, Ingrid. It’s Cyril Sneer. I was thinking of taking you to the movies this Saturday. I’ll pick you up myself. I think the new Saskatchewan Smith movie is now playing. Y'know, I once planned to do a Saskatchewan Smith movie myself, until those Pigs of mine turned my mansion upside down, by allowing people to search everywhere for the prism…! Oh, sorry for going off like that. So are we on for Saturday? Really? That’s great. See you then.’
He hung up the phone.

THE RACCONDOMINIUM
Bert, Ralph, Melissa, Lisa, Bentley, Penny and Michelle sat around a table, eating dinner.
MICHELLE: ‘It was nice of you guys to invite me to dinner.’
RALPH: ‘It was our pleasure, Michelle.’
MELISSA: ‘So, did you all have fun at the movies yesterday?’
BERT: ‘We sure did. The name’s Bert! Short for Bert Raccoon! Long for Bu!’
Michelle giggled.
LISA: ‘Bert's been doing Buck impressions ever since we saw “Ice Age 3” last night.’
BERT: ‘The only thing that bothered me was those two squirrels fighting over one nut. I mean if they both had a nut, they’d both be happy at the end.’
PENNY: ‘And they would still be together. If you ask me, those squirrels are about as bad as Alvin and Brittany.’
MELISSA: ‘Are you guys looking forward to Saturday?’
BENTLEY: ‘Oh yeah. The Chipmunks and the Chipettes are gonna be coming up to visit us.’
MICHELLE: ‘Maybe this time I might ask them to give me a signed CD.’
BERT: ‘I just hope ol' hose nose is in a cheerful mood when they arrive.’

SATURDAY
NARRATOR: ‘It was Saturday, and Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Brittany and the Chipettes finally arrived at the Evergreen Forest. And Simon and Jeanette have brought something to show their friends.’
The Chipmunks and the Chipettes were with the Raccoon gang, outside Bentley and Lisa’s home. Simon held up what looked like a bottle of water.
SIMON: ‘This is our newest invention. The de-aging tonic. For example if you have a plant that’s on it’s last legs, you can pour some de-aging tonic on the plant, and it will regress back to its healthy state.’
He placed the bottle on the kitchen window ledge.
BERT: ‘Wow that’s amazing!’
MICHELLE: ‘I have a dying plant. I forgot to water it a few days ago. But maybe this tonic can save it.’
BRITTANY: ‘Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go get it.’
They ran off.

IN THE KITCHEN
George walked into the kitchen, holding an identical bottle full of water. He placed it on the ledge next to the bottle of de-aging tonic.
GEORGE: ‘Hey Nicole, did you get an extra bottle of water from Mr. Willows?’
NICOLE: (from the living room) ‘No I didn’t, George. Perhaps Lisa or Bentley got it.’
GEORGE: ‘I guess you’re right. It was nice of those two.’
He picked up the bottle of de-aging tonic and put it in the kettle, and began to heat it up.

OUTSIDE
The Raccoon gang returned, and Michelle was holding a dying flower in a flower pot.
BERT: ‘Okay. Now the moment of truth.’
Jeanette picked up the water bottle and poured it on the dying plant. They waited a few seconds.
SIMON: ‘I don’t get it. It worked when we tried it back home.’
LISA: ‘How long does it take to kick in?’
JEANETTE: ‘Only a few seconds. Maybe the calculations were off this time.’
MICHELLE: ‘I hope you’re right about that.’
BENTLEY: 'Y'know Jeanette, you kinda remind me and Bert of a human character in the original Ninja Turtles series.'
JEANETTE: 'Really? Who?'
BENTLEY: 'Irma. That woman who works at Channel Six News as a secretary.'
BERT: 'The clothes you wear are slightly similar - your glasses, the color of your sweater and your dress.'
BENTLEY: 'Except you're more clumsy.'
BERT: 'Bentley!'
Brittany comes right into Bentley's face.
BRITTANY: 'Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY CALLS MY SISTER CLUMSY!'
JEANETTE: 'But you do all the time, Brittany.'
BRITTANY: 'That's different - you and I are family.'
JEANETTE: 'Good point.'
GEORGE: (from inside) ‘Bentley? Lisa? Is that you?’
LISA: ‘Yes Dad.’
GEORGE: ‘It’s nearly dinner time.’
BERT: ‘We’ll see you guys later.’
The others left, and Bentley and Lisa walked towards the door.
LISA: ‘Call me stupid, Bentley, but did Dad’s voice sound a little different to you?’
BENTLEY: ‘Not really.’
They opened the door.

INSIDE
Lisa and Bentley walked in, and were surprised by what they saw. It was George and Nicole, but they looked a bit younger than normal.
GEORGE: ‘What’s wrong?’
LISA: ‘You look different?’
NICOLE: ‘All we did was drink zis coffee George just made.’
They both drank their cups of coffee, and all of a sudden, they regressed into young adults. And all of a sudden, it hit Bentley and Lisa.
BENTLEY/ LISA: ‘The de-aging tonic!’
BENTLEY: ‘I’ll check the kitchen!’
Bentley ran into the kitchen, and saw the bottle of de-aging tonic. He ran back into the living room, and saw his parents had regressed into teenagers. They were Lisa’s age.
BENTLEY: ‘Oh no! It’s like I now have two big sisters and a big brother.’
LISA: ‘I tried to stop them.’
NICOLE: ‘What are you talking about?’
GEORGE: 'Yeah, we are just drinking our coffee.’
LISA: ‘You guys don’t know what’s happening to you.’
The de-aged raccoons drank their coffee, and regressed into kids.
LISA: (snatching George’s cup) ‘Give me that!’
GEORGE: ‘Hey big meanie! That’s my coffee!’
BENTLEY: (embarrassed) ‘I am so ashamed.’
Little Nicole drank her coffee.
GEORGE: (snatching Nicole’s coffee) ‘Give me that!’
He drank the coffee.
NICOLE: ‘Hey, zat’s mine!’
They regressed from kids into babies, and Lisa quickly grabbed the other mug.
LISA: (handing the mugs to Bentley) ‘Bentley, dump the coffee down the drain.’
BENTLEY: ‘Right Lisa.’
He ran out. Baby George and Baby Nicole both started crying.
LISA: ‘Now I've gotta warn the others. And find someone to help babysit my parents. (Realises what she said) Okay that sounded odd.’

THE SNEER MANSION: THE GARAGE
Cyril was trying to start up his car, and Cedric walked up to him.
CEDRIC: ‘Pop?’
CYRIL: ‘Hi son. I’m trying to start up this car. It’s behaving like its on its last legs! And I cannot be late for my date… (Looks at the fuel meter) Those Bears! They forgot to fill 'er up! I have to do everything myself! Sorry Cedric. I wish I could talk, but I'm in a hurry.’
CEDRIC: 'I understand, Pop.'
Cyril filled up the car with gas from the gas can. Then he leaped inside and started the car up.
CYRIL: ‘Success! Now I can pick up Ingrid for our date.’
He drove out of the garage.
CEDRIC: ‘See ya later Pop.’
The Pigs ran in.
FLOYD: ‘Master Cedric! Emergency!’
LLOYD: ‘It’s the Raccoons!’
BOYD: ‘They’ve turned into kids!’
CEDRIC: (shocked) ‘What?’

BENTLEY & LISA’S HOME
Bert, Lisa, Cedric, Sophia, Michelle, Bentley, Penny, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes were all together outside, witnessing baby George and Baby Nicole.
SIMON: ‘The de-aging tonic did this?’
LISA: ‘That’s right Simon. Please let me know if you can reverse this.’
SIMON: ‘Well…’
LISA: (grabbing Simon’s neck collar) ‘Please tell me you can reverse this!’
SIMON: ‘Jeanette and I have created an antidote in case something like this would happen. The only problem is we left it at home.’
Lisa looked shocked.
JEANETTE: ‘But we can make more. All we need is the following on this list.’
She gave Cedric the list of items.
CEDRIC: ‘I have all these things at home. You can use the lab to recreate the antidote.’
SIMON: ‘Thanks, Cedric.’
BRITTANY: ‘And Alvin and I will look after the little tykes.’
ALVIN: ‘What?!’
BERT: 'Look on the bright side, Alvin. They're not Neutrino babies that can move objects just by thinking about 'em.'
ALVIN: 'Ha! You didn't get bombarded with wall-to-wall babies starting a babysitting service like me and my brothers did.'
THEODORE: 'At least there's only two babies, Alvin.'
ALVIN: (sarcastically) 'Very reassuring.'
ELEANOR: (to Cedric) ‘You and Sophia can help as well. It could be good practice if you were to have kids yourself one day.’
SOPHIA: ‘That sounds wonderful.’
She hugged Cedric.
CEDRIC: (blushing) ‘Err yeah.’
ALVIN: (sighs in defeat) 'All right, I'll help. (to Brittany) But you have to do your share as well.'
BRITTANY: (gasps) 'And ruin my nails? (gulps) O-okay. But if either of them pee in my face, I'm blaming YOU for it!'
ALVIN: 'Stop complaining and start helping!'
The others giggled.
LISA: 'You're right, Bert. Those two really are made for each other.'

MUSIC SCENE: STEPHEN BISHOP: I Care For You
Alvin, Brittany, Theodore and Eleanor looked after the baby raccoons. Cedric and Sophia helped. And so did Bert and Lisa.
END OF MUSIC SCENE

THE SNEER MANSION: THE LAB
Simon, Jeanette and Bentley were there working on the potion.
SIMON: (pouring two chemicals down a funnel) ‘We’ve measured all the right stuff, and added them. In an hour’s time, the antidote will be ready. And all George and Nicole have to do is drink it, until they reach their rightful ages.’
BENTLEY: ‘Wow. And if I used it on myself, I Could be old enough to date Michelle.’
JEANETTE: ‘Bentley!’
BENTLEY: ‘Just kidding, Jeanette. I still like Michelle, but only as a sister. Penny is now the special girl in my life.’
JEANETTE: 'That's better.'

ELSEWHERE
Cyril was driving in his car, and he stopped by a road turning.
CYRIL: (getting out his road map) ‘Now, let me see. If memory serves me correctly, Ingrid’s house isn’t that far from here.’
All of a sudden the car stopped.
CYRIL: ‘What? (Looks at the fuel meter) Oh no, I’m almost out of gas, again! (Turns the ignition key) Start up you hunk of junk! If you don’t start up, you’re heading for the trash compactor! I’m counting to three! One! Two! Three! That’s it, I’ve warned you time and time again! I am gonna give you a darn good thrashing!’
Cyril leaped out of the car, and came back holding a tree branch. He started repeatedly whacking the car with the branch, hardly damaging it.

BENTLEY & LISA’S HOME
Brittany was changing baby Nicole’s diaper.
BRITTANY: ‘Alvin, are you sorting out George?’
ALVIN: (walking up to Brittany, scratching his head) ‘I, err...uh...'
BRITTANY: 'Alvin, I don't like that look on your face. Where's George?'
ALVIN: (gulps) 'I, err, kinda lost track of him.’
BRITTANY: (freaking out) ‘WHAT?!!!’
ALVIN: (in fear) 'B-B-But I’m sure he’s somewhere around the house!’
BRITTANY: ‘He’d better be. Or Lisa will have your head! Now go find him! As soon as I'm done changing Nicole, I’m going to see Simon and Jeanette!’
Alvin marched off mumbling to himself.

THE SNEER MANSION
The Pigs were having a picnic in the garden. Brittany walked up to them.
BRITTANY: ‘Are Simon and Jeanette still busy inside?’
LLOYD: ‘Yes they are, Miss Miller.’
BRITTANY: ‘Please, call me Brittany.’
LLOYD: ‘Okay, Brittany.’
BRITTANY: ‘Are you three having a picnic outside your Master’s home?’
LLOYD: ‘Well, ya know what they say. When the boss is away, the Pigs will play. (To the Floyd and Boyd) Okay boys, let’s dig in.’
The pigs began stuffing their faces with food.
BRITTANY: 'See, this is why you Three Stooges don't get dates - you eat like pigs.'
The Pigs were shocked and insulted.
THE PIGS: 'You take that back!' (accidentally spit out their food at Brittany)
BRITTANY: (wipes off the food on her face) 'Why? It's true. You look, smell, eat and ARE PIGS!'
THE PIGS: (quietly to themselves) 'Deja vu.'
BRITTANY: 'Now if you'll, like, excuse me, I've gotta get my sister and Simon.'
She stormed off.
BOYD: (quietly to the others) ‘She’s worse than the boss.’
BRITTANY: (from a distance) ‘I heard that!’
The Pigs jumped in shock as they heard her shouting at them.

ELSEWHERE
A car was driving along the road. Ingrid was driving. And Cyril was in the passenger seat.
CYRIL: ‘I’m sorry about all this, Ingrid.’
INGRID: ‘It’s okay, Cyril. You made the right decision to call me. And the movie starts in an hour. We are in good time.’
CYRIL: ‘That’s great. (Getting out his cell phone) I had better call the Pigs to bring my car back to the mansion, so the Bears can fix it.’

THE RACCOONS’ HOUSE
The Raccoon gang were outside in the garden. Simon and Jeanette returned with the antidote in the bottle.
SIMON: ‘The antidote is ready.’
JEANETTE: ‘Now all we have to do is give it to the babies. (Spots baby Nicole) Where’s George?’
BRITTANY: ‘It’s all Alvin’s fault. He’s…’
ALVIN: (running up, holding baby George) ‘Found him!’
BRITTANY: ‘Never mind.’
ALVIN: (to Simon) ‘Is that the antidote?’
SIMON: ‘Yes.’
ALVIN: (relieved) ‘Great.’
Baby George started to cry.
ALVIN: (holding out Baby George) ‘Please make them old again.’
SOPHIA: (taking Baby George) ‘I’ll take it from here. (Holding the baby in her arms) There, there. It’s alright. Nothing to cry about.’
CEDRIC: ‘Yeah, we’ll take care of you.’
The baby calmed down.
SOPHIA: ‘You know Cedric. Maybe one day we will have a baby of our own.’
CEDRIC: (smiling) ‘Yeah.’
ALVIN: 'Whew. Thanks a lot you guys.'
BRITTANY: 'I'm just glad your pop didn't see any of this.'
Cedric and Sophia giggle a bit.

A FEW MINUTES LATER
Simon and Jeanette came out with two baby bottles.
SIMON: ‘We’ve put the antidote into these bottles. One drink should undo what the de-aging tonic has done, and instantly restore George and Nicole back to their real ages.’
BERT: ‘What are we waiting for? Let’s feed the babies!’
The others looked at Bert.
BERT: ‘Remember. Rule one. Always listen to…’
LISA: ‘Bert!’
BERT: ‘Sorry.’
Cedric and Sophia fed baby George, and Bert and Lisa fed baby Nicole. The two babies started to glow.
MICHELLE: ‘It’s working.’
They placed the glowing babies on the ground, and they magically changed back to their normal selves.
GEORGE: ‘What in the world happened? Did we just dream all that? Or did it really happened?’
NICOLE: ‘I don’t know, George.’
LISA: ‘Mom, Dad, you’re alright. You wouldn’t believe what happened to you.’
NARRATOR: ‘Now that George and Nicole were back to normal, Simon and Jeanette learned that the world wasn’t ready yet for a potion that could de-age anything, and more importantly, anyone. As for Cyril Sneer, he and Ingrid had a great night watching the Saskatchewan Smith movie.’

THE FOREST
The Raccoon gang were with the Chipmunks and the Chipettes.
BERT: ‘It was nice of you guys to visit again.’
ALVIN: ‘The feeling’s mutual, Bert.’
RALPH: ‘So Simon, did you destroy the remaining tonic?’
SIMON: ‘Yes I… Uh-oh.’
ALVIN: ‘I hate when he says "uh-oh".’
SIMON: ‘I think I left the rest of it at Sneer Mansion.’
MELISSA: ‘I hope no one’s drank any of it.’
All of a sudden, a young aardvark showed up. It was Cyril Sneer, in his thirties.
YOUNG CYRIL: ‘I’ve found water from the fountain of youth. Those Pigs must have got it. But they’re playing dumb, pretending they didn’t know anything about it. I drank the whole bottle. But it doesn’t matter. I am now young and strong. Now I am ready for the next track and field games.’
The Raccoon gang were all surprised as the young Cyril talked to them. Cyril started jogging into the woods.
ALVIN/BRITTANY: 'WHYYY?!!!'
SIMON: ‘I’ll go and get the rest of the antidote.’
He walked off, and the others laughed.


THE END


MUSIC
STEPHEN BISHOP: I Care For You
LISA LOUGHEED: Run With Us


4.9.2009