The Cyril Sneer Story

THE RACCOONS FAN FICTION

THE CYRIL SNEER STORY

Written by Stephen Ricketts and Jacob Turner

The Raccoons (c) Evergreen Raccoons Marketing Inc
Alvin and the Chipmunks (c) Bagdasarian Productions, DiC Entertainment

NARRATOR: 'It was a peaceful summer day. David Seville, the manager for both his boys, the Chipmunks, and their friends the Chipettes, had bought a new summerhouse in the Evergreen Forest. That meant that now whenever summer was around, the Chipmunks and Chipettes could visit Bert and the others anytime. Dave doesn't know about the Raccoons, but he does know that his boys do have friends in the Evergreen Forest and they were allowed to play outside as long as they promised to be back before dinner.'

OUTSIDE THE RACCOONS' HOUSE
Lisa and Eleanor were in their basketball outfits, playing basketball on the court. Bert, Bentley, Broo, the Chipmunks and the other Chipettes were close by.
LISA: (dribbles the ball) 'Gee, Eleanor, you're pretty good.'
ELEANOR: (steals the ball) 'You're not bad yourself, Lisa.'
She jumps into the air and sent the ball through the hoop.
BRITTANY: 'Eleanor shoots, she scores!'
THEODORE: (to Eleanor) 'You were great.'
ELEANOR: 'Thanks.'
BERT: 'Too bad, Lisa.'
BENTLEY: 'Yeah, big sis. That's three times she's beaten you.'
LISA: 'Aw, I don't mind. It was fun anyway.'
ELEANOR: 'You said it!' (they give high-five)
THEODORE: 'C'mon, let's go inside. I'm hungry.'
BERT: 'Me too. I could go for a P.B. sandwich right now.'
ALVIN: 'Gosh, Bert, you sure like peanut butter.'
They walk inside.

THE SNEER MANSION
Cyril Sneer was reading the newspaper in the lounge, and the Pigs walked in, holding CDs.
PIGS: 'Boss! Boss!'
CYRIL: 'What in the blithering blue blazes are you stupid swines up to?'
LLOYD: ‘Boss, the signed CDs by the Chipmunks and the Chipettes have finally arrived.’
CYRIL: ‘What? I don’t recall ordering signed CDs by those high-toned voiced kids.’
LLOYD: ‘No, we did.’
FLOYD: ‘Can we play them?’
CYRIL: ‘No, I don’t wanna listen to that Chipmunk music! Listening to them once in a while is bad enough, but listening to them all time'll give me a headache! First, there was Alvin and the Chipmunks, then Brittany and the Chipettes! What’s next?’
LLOYD: ‘How about Lloyd and the Pigs?’
CYRIL: ‘Shut up! That was a rhetorical question!’
PIGS: ‘Y-y-yes, Sir.’
CYRIL: ‘Now get outta my sight!’
PIGS: ‘Y-y-yes, Sir!’
They ran out of the room.
CYRIL: (putting the newspaper down) ‘Where are Cedric and Sophia? I thought the Pigs were working for them today.’
He got off his chair, and walked up the stairs.
CYRIL: ‘If I were those Pigs, I'd stay away from a very angry me at all… (Steps on a skateboard, and falls back) COSTS!!!’
He fell down the stairs, and landed on the bottom. Cedric and Sophia rushed out of the office, hearing the crash, and they saw Cyril at the bottom of the stairs.
CEDRIC: ‘Pop!!!’
SOPHIA: 'Oh, my gosh!'

THE EVERGREEN HOSPITAL
Cedric, Sophia and the Pigs were sitting in the waiting room. Bert, Ralph and Melissa showed up.
BERT: ‘Hi, Cedric.’
CEDRIC: ‘Hi, Bert.’
RALPH: ‘We came as soon as you called us.’
MELISSA: ‘How’s your father?’
CEDRIC: ‘Well, Doctor Canard has told me that Pop suffered a blow to the head. He’s in a coma. I think this is the third time he’s been in the hospital, at least recently.’

FLASHBACKS
STRESS TEST
Doctor Canard walked in.
CANARD: ‘Ah, how's everyone today? All ready to face an…?’
CYRIL: ‘An operation?!’
CANARD: ‘I was gonna say, “Ready to face another day”, Mr. Sneer.’

GO FOR GOLD
Cyril announcing his retirement to the press.

PRESENT
Doctor Canard walked in.
CANARD: ‘I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about Cyril. I can remember the time he was sick, and he thought he was dying.’

FLASHBACK
LAST LEGS
Cyril sitting in a wheelchair, talking on the phone.
CYRIL: (jumping out of the chair) ‘What? You mean I’m not dying? I've only got a cold? Ha, ha! In that case, I’ll pay you when I’m good and ready, you overbearing quack! (Hangs up the phone, and skips around the room) I’m going to live! I’m going to live! I’m going to…’
There was a knock at the door.
BEAR: (on the other side) ‘Bert Raccoon is here, Sir.’
Cyril rushed into bed.

PRESENT
CANARD: ‘Anyway, you can see Cyril now, but I suggest you go one at a time. Maybe if he hears you, he might wake up.’
CEDRIC: ‘I’ll go first.’

THE WARD
Cedric walked into the room, and saw Cyril in a coma. He walked up to him.
CEDRIC: ‘Oh Pop, I hope you recover. We've been through a lot together. You've changed a lot over the years as well. I can remember the times you were mean, like you didn’t care for me.’

FLASHBACKS
THE RACCOONS ON ICE: SCENE 1
Cyril yelling at Cedric in his room.
CYRIL: 'And if I ever catch you around them again, I'll wrap a hockey stick around your snout! You got that?!’
CEDRIC: (frightened) ‘S-s-sure, Pop.’

SCENE 2
CYRIL: ‘Cedric? Cedric Sneer? My son? My ex-son, Cedric Sneer?!’
CEDRIC: (nervously) ‘Hi, Pop. Surprise.’
CYRIL: ‘Surprise? I’ll show you surprise! After the game, the dungeon!’ (kicks Cedric off the ice)
CEDRIC: ‘The dungeon! Oh, no!’

SURPRISE ATTACK
Cyril storming into Cedric’s room.
CYRIL: ‘Cedric! I wanna talk to you about a sm… (Snatches Cedric’s note) What’s this?’
CEDRIC: (nervously) ‘My homework.’
CYRIL: ‘You’ve been outta school for three years!’
CEDRIC: ‘It’s late.’
CYRIL: (reading the note) “Mumbles,” as planned? My only son has planned all this? My son? My ex-son Cedric Sneer?’
CEDRIC: ‘Uh, let me explain, Pop.’
CYRIL: ‘There’s nothing to explain. My own son, plotting to overthrow me. Very commendable, son. I didn’t know you had it in you. But, no matter, Cedric my boy, it didn't work! Guards!’
CEDRIC: ‘You've got it all wrong!’
CYRIL: ‘Take him to the dungeon!’
CEDRIC: ‘Not the dungeon, Pop. Not again.’
CYRIL: ‘And no colour TV!’
Cyril slammed the door behind him.
CEDRIC: (behind the door) ‘ Pop, let me explain.’

PRESENT
Cedric looked down at Cyril.
CEDRIC: ‘Then you showed me you truly loved me. Especially when I ran away from home.’

FLASHBACKS
THE RUNAWAYS
Cedric and Bert were about to go to sleep, at the Raccoondominium..
CEDRIC: ‘Wait!'
BERT: 'What is it?'
CEDRIC: 'I can’t fall asleep, until I hear my lullaby.’
RALPH: ‘I don’t think we know your lullaby.’
MELISSA: ‘Why don’t you sing it for us, and maybe we’ll learn it for tomorrow night.’
CEDRIC: ‘It’s not the same unless Pop is singing it.’

OUTSIDE NEAR THE RACCOONDOMINIUM
CYRIL: ‘And I’ll never be able to sing him that lullaby again.. (Sings) A dollar for your thoughts my son. See money while you sleep. Watch those dollars jump the fence instead of silly sheep…’

THE RACCOONDOMINIUM
CEDRIC: (overhearing Cyril) ‘That’s it. That’s my song. (Sings) And as each dollar earns its wings, snatch it from the air. Do this a million times my son, and you’ll be a millionaire.’

OUTSIDE
Cedric ran outside.
CEDRIC: ‘ Pop! Pop, is that you? Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! (He ran up to Cyril) Pop, you came for me.’
CYRIL: ‘Why, I-I was just in the neighbourhood. I-I was walking Snag.’
CEDRIC: ‘But Pop, you never walk Snag.’
CYRIL: ‘Well, it was… Well, it was for the exercise. It's good for the heart you know?’
CEDRIC: ‘Aw Pop, you’re all heart.’
He hugged Cyril.

BURIED TREASURE
Cyril looked at Cedric in the river, then he looked at the treasure chest, then Cedric again.
CYRIL: ‘Cedric! My son! My only son! Hold on, I’ll save you!’
He jumped into the river.
CEDRIC: ‘No Pop. I’m okay. I can... Pop? Pop? Pop?!’
CYRIL: (struggling) ‘Help!’
He sank in the water, and Cedric rescued him.

PRESENT
CEDRIC: ‘You had a chance to retrieve the treasure chest, and sacrificed it to save me.’

A FEW MINUTES LATER
Sophia stood in front of Cyril.
SOPHIA: ‘I can remember how we first met.’

FLASHBACK
THE RACCOONS ON ICE
SOPHIA: ‘Mr. Sneer, you should be proud of Cedric. Why, he’s strong, talented, good-looking…’
CYRIL: (to Cedric) ‘Who is this… thing?
CEDRIC: ‘Pop, this is Sophia Tutu.’
CYRIL: (to Sophia) ‘Look here, Sofa girl!’
CEDRIC: ‘Sophia, Pop.’
CYRIL: ‘Sofa? Couch? Davenport? No matter! Stay away from my son!’

PRESENT
SOPHIA: ‘Eventually you allowed me and Cedric to be together. And now we're married.’
Cyril moved a bit.
SOPHIA: (to herself) ‘I think he heard me.’

A FEW MINUTES LATER
Ralph and Melissa were watching Cyril.
RALPH: (to Melissa) ‘We have been through a lot with Mr. Sneer.’
MELISSA: ‘Yeah.’

FLASHBACKS
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
There was a knock on the Evergreen Standard office door, then Cyril stormed in.
RALPH: ‘Mr. Sneer? What are you doing here?’
CYRIL: ‘Cut the banter, bandit face! (Holds out the news paper) Who's responsible for this?!’
RALPH: ‘I am.’
MELISSA: ‘I am.’
BERT: ‘Err… They are.’

RUMOURS
Ralph, Melissa and Cyril on stage.
MELISSA: ‘I have the most wonderful news. The royal family is coming to our forest.’
RALPH: ‘The royal family? Coming to our forest? How soon do they arrive?’
CYRIL: ‘I don’t know.. They… They should be here in a few minutes, unless they… they stopped for some last minute shopping.’
RALPH: ‘What? Eh, last minute shopping?’
MELISSA: ‘They’re coming here to bestow a special honour on one of our own. It’s to be a surprise.’
CYRIL: (to Ralph and Melissa) ‘You’re telling me.’
RALPH: ‘What brings you, fair knight, to our forest?’
CYRIL: ‘I was just in the neighbourhood. I-I just thought I’d drop by.’
He tripped over and fell to the floor.

PRESENT
Bert Raccoon was now with Cyril.
BERT: ‘We've had a lot of differences in the past.’

MUSIC SCENE: LISA LOUGHEED: Hold Back Tomorrow
FLASHBACKS
GOING IT ALONE: Cyril setting off traps, trying to stop Bert from reaching the top of Evergreen Mountain.
EVERGREEN GRAND PRIX: Bert racing in the Solar Coaster, against Cyril’s Sneer Mobile.
THE SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS: Cyril directing the Success commercial, with Bert performing the various stunts.
STOP THE CLOCK: Bert and Cyril racing on bikes, and they collided, and they fell off.
LAST LEGS: Bert revealing the Sneer Memorial Printing Press, and Cyril drinking the Pigs’ fake medicine, knocking himself out.
STRICTLY BY THE BOOK: Cyril and Bert telling Cedric they were sorry.
SECOND CHANCE: Bert riding in Cyril’s limo, then got thrown out.
BULLY FOR YOU: Bert knocking on the Sneer Mansion door, and Cyril answering it, telling Bert to go home.
END OF MUSIC SCENE

PRESENT
Mr. Knox and Lady Baden-Baden were with Cyril.
LADY BADEN-BADEN : ‘Ooh, Mr. Sneer. I can remember the time we almost got hitched, then Knoxy showed his true feelings for me.’

FLASHBACK
COURTING DISASTER
RALPH: ‘So, uh, when’s the wedding?’
MR. KNOX: ‘Never, as far as I’m concerned.’
LADY BADEN-BADEN: ‘Oh, my dear Mr. Knox, whatever do you mean?’
MR. KNOX: ‘Oh, Lady Baden-Baden. I’ve concealed my true feelings long enough. I love you, and I want you to be my bride.’
CYRIL: (relieved) ‘You do? That’s great.’
CEDRIC: ‘Huh?’
CYRIL: ‘I mean it’s great you want to, but she’s marrying me, Knox.’

PRESENT
MR. KNOX: ‘And after our ups and downs, we finally found a way to work together.'

FLASHBACK
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
MR. KNOX: (to Cyril) ‘I never thought I’d see the day, Mr. Sneer. You and me workin' together for a better world.’
CYRIL: ‘Well, as long as a better world means better profits, I’m all for it.’

PRESENT
Schaeffer was now watching Cyril.
SCHAEFFER: ‘We got off on the wrong foot, but as time passed, you changed, and now I have more respect for you.’

FLASHBACKS
THE CHRISTMAS RACCOONS
Schaeffer and the Raccoons attacked Cyril and Cedric. Schaeffer grabbed them both by their noses.
CEDRIC: ‘What have we done to you?!’
RALPH: ‘Done? Why you two are ecological disasters!’
BERT: ‘Yeah!’
SCHAEFFER: ‘Forest destroyers!’
BERT: ‘Yeah!’
MELISSA: ‘Home wreckers.’
BERT: ‘Yeah!’

LATER
CYRIL: ‘Hmm. You know, I could consider doing some replanting. Ah, but those seedlings are gonna cost me money.’
Schaeffer twisted Cyril’s nose in a knot.
CYRIL: ‘I’ll do it! I’ll do it!’

BLACK BELT BENTLEY
Schaeffer used his martial arts moves to save Cyril, as a building was being demolished in front of him.

PRESENT
Schaeffer looked at Cyril. He was still in a coma. He left the room.

WAITING ROOM
Lisa, Bentley and Danny showed up.
BENTLEY: ‘We heard about what happened to Mr. Sneer.’
LISA: (holding up a card) ‘Michelle and I made him this get well card. We’ve signed it. If you all wanna sign it before I give it to him, go ahead.’
BERT: ‘Okay.’

THE WARD
Danny entered the room, and looked at Cyril asleep.
DANNY: ‘I’ll never forget the time you helped me.'

FLASHBACK
STRESS TEST
Cyril was getting ready to leave, when he heard Danny and Doctor Canard’s conversation.
CYRIL: (to Nurse Peck) ‘Say, what do you have to do to give blood around here?’
NURSE PECK: ‘Ah, it's nothin'. Just a teeny needle and a bit of your time.’
CYRIL: ‘Did you say, “Needle,”? I'll-I’ll lose the land. Where do ya hide this blood bank anyway?’

PRESENT
Danny looked at Cyril.
DANNY: ‘Thanks to you, I feel great, and you also told me how to play the harmonica.’
He got it out and played music on it.

A FEW MINUTES LATER
Bentley and Lisa were in the room.
LISA: ‘I made this card for you, Mr. Sneer. We’ve all signed it.’
She placed it on the table next to the bed.
BENTLEY: ‘I can remember the first time we met. We weren’t exactly friends back then, then the second time we met, you gave me some good advice.’

FLASHBACKS
STOP THE CLOCK
Cyril looking down at Bentley.
CYRIL: ‘What? Stay outta my way, Shortstuff, or you’ll be eating dust!’

TROUBLE SHOOTER
Cyril talking with Bentley.
CYRIL: ‘I wanna tell you a story about a kid I knew. He ran away once. He thought he could make it on his own without friends, without parents, without a home. And you know what?’
BENTLEY: ‘Yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before. He ended up poor and homeless, right?’
CYRIL: ‘Wrong. He’s a millionaire. But there were a lot of lost and lonely years before he made it. And nice as money is, it can't buy back those years. Am I getting through?’
BENTLEY: ‘I-I think so.’
CYRIL: ‘You might think you're tough and brave running away, but believe me; it takes more courage to face up to your mistakes. Turn back while there's still time. Don’t be like the kid in the story, Bentley.’
BENTLEY: 'Was that kid you, Mr. Sneer?'

PRESENT
LISA: ‘You gave me some good advice too, Mr. Sneer.’

FLASHBACK
JOIN THE CLUB
Cyril spotted Lisa crying, and ripping up cigarettes at Bert and Cedric's clubhouse.
CYRIL: ‘Ahem. Something wrong, kid?’
LISA: ‘Oh, Mr. Sneer. (sniffs) I guess this looks weird to you, huh?’
CYRIL: ‘No, I've done this before, with cigars. You know, they don’t break nearly as nicely, but, they’re just as hard to quit.’
LISA: ‘Oh, I’ve already quit.’ (sniffs)
CYRIL: ‘Great, but why the tears? I’d be hilariously happy if I could quit.’
LISA: ‘But your friends wouldn’t dump you if you did. I just lost a friend. She said I wouldn’t fit in with her crowd.’
CYRIL: ‘Listen, kid. Some crowds just are not worth belonging to.’
LISA: ‘Yeah, but I wanted to belong.’

A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Cyril and Lisa were walking together, as they continued their conversation.
CYRIL: ‘Crowds. Clubs. It's all the same deal. You do what they want, they let you join up. Pretty soon, you’re just like them. I was almost a Loch Links Lemming. You don’t wanna be one of those, do you?’
LISA: ‘I guess not.’
CYRIL: ‘Dare to be different. And never mind what the crowd thinks. Because as long as they’re talking about you, they’ll never forget about you.’
LISA: ‘I guess you’re right. You know Mr. Sneer, you’re a lot different than what people had told me. You’re okay.’
CYRIL: ‘What people? What did they say? Were there three of them? Short little fat guys with flat noses and squeaky voices?’
Lisa giggled at Cyril’s reaction.

PRESENT
LISA: ‘I still think you’re okay, even after you told me about your past.’

A FEW MINUTES LATER
Ingrid Bellamour visited Cyril.
INGRID: ‘I remember when we first met, Mr. Sneer. I was protesting against the Rock Co Corporation, then I found out you and Mr. Knox made a business deal with them. And at the end, you gave me the money to help make the world a better place. Then you yourself became an environmental crusader. I’m very proud of you, Mr. Sneer, and I hope you pull through. If you do, we can go out again.’
She left the room.

A FEW MINUTES LATER
The Chipmunks and the Chipettes visited Cyril.
SIMON: 'Even though we haven't known him that long, I can still remember when we first heard about Cyril Sneer through Cedric.'
THEODORE: 'Even now, it's still hard to believe he once tried to destroy all of the Evergreen Forest.'
ELEANOR: 'It's still hard to believe he did it for Cedric.'
JEANETTE: 'I know. It still sounded like he was doing it for himself, his greed.'
SIMON: 'But after we first met him, he didn't seem like the evil tyrant we were told that he was, like his double.'
JEANETTE: 'Especially after he helped to rescue us from the Weasels.'
ALVIN: 'We kept hoping help was on the way, so we thought we'd try and stall them.'

FLASHBACK
THE RACCOONS MEET THE CHIPMUNKS, PART 2:
BENTLEY: 'This little scheme of your's will never work!'
WHEEZY: 'And what (cough) pray tell, do you brats mean by that crack?'
GREASY: 'Si. Pray tell.'
ALVIN: 'Because, at this very moment, seven police boats are surrounding this island. Would ya believe it? Seven.'
SMART GUY: 'I find that pretty hard to believe.'
BRITTANY: 'Would ya believe six?'
SMART GUY: 'Not really, toots.'
BERT: 'How 'bout two cops on a rowboat?'
CEDRIC: 'They're not falling for it, Bert.'

MOMENTS LATER
CYRIL : 'You Weasels'll have to work even harder if you wanna try and rob Cyril Sneer!'

PRESENT
BRITTANY: 'Alvin and I thought it'd be funny if he fell through a trap door on the stage at the Blue Spruce Cafe if he tried singing that song of his at the Birthday Show.'
ALVIN: 'But after seeing how mad he got, even I now realize that was a bad idea.'
BRITTANY: 'Me too. I mean, if we had known he was gonna chase after us...'
THEODORE: 'But it did give us a good laugh when he did fall through the trap door.'
ELEANOR: 'And when he blew his top after Brittany blabbed about it being their doing and him chasing after Alvin and Brittany was even funnier.'
JEANETTE: 'We'd thought about helping you, but we decided not to. Especially since you talked me and Simon into making that trap door.'

FLASHBACK
After Brittany accidentally blabs out that it was her and Alvin's plan to have Cyril fell down into a trap door on the stage of the Blue Spruce Cafe for Sophia's Birthday Show.
CYRIL: (face turning red) 'So, you two thought it'd be a funny joke, eh? Well, here's a joke for you that isn't funny; When I'm done with you, you'll wish you hadn't that of that trap door!' (gets closer to Alvin and Brittany, menacingly)
ALVIN / BRITTANY: 'Run away!'
Cyril chases them out the door and around the outside of the cafe.

PRESENT TIME
ALVIN: 'Yeah. But I think he forgave us.'
SIMON: 'Only after you guys helped him out of that trench.'

FLASHBACK
Cyril is still chasing Alvin and Brittany, as they jump over a trench.
CYRIL: 'COME BACK HEEERRREEEE!!!! (falls into the trench) AH!'
Alvin and Brittany stop and see Cyril in a trench.
BRITTANY: 'Are you okay, Mr. Sneer?'
CYRIL: 'Do I look like I'm okay?! Don't answer that! (tries to calm down) Look, just get me out of this trench, and I'll forgive you for your little joke.'
ALVIN: 'You best put a please on that, Mr. Sneer.'
CYRIL: 'Alvin.'
ALVIN: 'Make that a pretty please.'
CYRIL: 'Alvin!'
ALVIN: "With sugar on top?'
CYRIL: (shouts) 'ALVIN!!!!'
ALVIN: 'Okay, okay. Don't get your knickers in a twist.'
Alvin and Brittany each hold out a hand and Cyril grabs them. They then proceed to pull him out.
BRITTANY: 'You sure can run fast for your age, you know that?'
CYRIL: 'Let's just say it comes from chasing some certain Pigs all the time.'
They walk back to the cafe.

PRESENT
Theodore walks over to Cyril's bed. Eleanor is close to Theodore's side.
THEODORE: 'I don't know if you can hear us, Mr. Sneer.'
ELEANOR: 'Even if you can't, we hope you wake up soon.'
JEANETTE: 'You're very different now than from what we've heard Cedric tell us.'
SIMON: 'We never really got a chance to say "thank you" for helping to rescue us from the Weasels.'
BRITTANY: 'It was wrong for me and Alvin to have you fall through that trap door, even though it did give others a good laugh.'
ALVIN: 'I just don't know what I was thinking. I guess I thought it funny and it'd save the audience the trouble of throwing tomatoes at you. We are sorry about that, and we're glad you've forgiven us.'
BRITTANY: 'And we all hope you wake up soon.'
Then the Chipmunks and Chipettes sing "For the Longest Time."

A FEW MINUTES LATER
The Pigs visited Cyril.
LLOYD: ‘I can remember some of the infamous lines you said.’

FLASHBACKS
SURPRISE ATTACK
CYRIL: ‘You don't seem to realise that if I go, you go! Somewhere out there is an army that’s out to destroy everything I've pillaged, cheated, robbed and connived to build. And because of your bumbling, they not only know that I know what they know, but I don’t even know when they’ll do what I know they’ll do! (pause) Anyway, I don't like not knowing! Now, get out there and dig up some dirt!’

THE EVERGREEN GRAND PRIX
CYRIL: 'You porkers couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel!'

BURIED TREASURE
CYRIL: 'Who do they think they are following us?'
LLOYD: ‘Perhaps they didn’t believe your story about the deed, Sir.’
CYRIL: ‘Perhaps you'd like a story like the Three Little Pigs? Now, let's move it!’

THE INTRUDERS
CYRIL: ‘You know, you'd look good with an apple in your mouth.’

CRY WOLF
BERT: (as Auntie Bertha) ‘Once upon a time, there were Three Little Pigs.’
CYRIL: ‘Pigs? Who cares about Pigs?’
PIGS: ‘No one, Sir.’

READ NO EVIL
FLOYD: ‘But Sir, he's-he’s scary!’
CYRIL: ‘Scary?! What does that make me, Mr. Nice Guy?!’
FLOYD: ‘N-No, Sir.’
CYRIL: ‘Then get going before I turn you into a set of matched luggage!’

HOURS LATER
CYRIL: ‘Go take a shower. You smell like pigs. You look, smell and are pigs.’

COURTING DISASTER
CYRIL: ‘Party? What's that tubby tycoon talking about?’
  
STRICTLY BY THE BOOK
CYRIL: ‘You oversized bacon-bits couldn’t find bubblegum under a seat in a movie theatre!’

TROUBLE SHOOTER
CYRIL: 'Great! Held prisoner in my own home! By a computer, no less! (imitates the Pigs) "It'll do anything," (normal voice) you said! (imitates the Pigs again) "It never makes mistakes," (normal voice again) you said!'

PRESENT
LLOYD: (crying) ‘It’s all our fault, Boss. We placed that skateboard on top of the stairs.’
FLOYD: (also crying) ‘We just wanted to get back at you for not letting us play our signed Chipmunks and Chipettes CDs! We didn’t know you would end up like this!’
BOYD: (also crying) ‘We’re soooo sorry!’
Suddenly the heart monitor started beeping faster, and Cyril started to move. He was getting mad, and was about to explode.
CYRIL: (exploding) ‘PIGS!!!’
His loud voice shook the room, and scared the pigs out.

THE WAITING ROOM
Everyone was there.
RALPH: ‘Did you hear that?’
BERT: 'Wow!'
BRITTANY: 'That scream's enough to wake the dead.'
ALVIN: ‘Sounds like Mr. Sneer is awake.’
CEDRIC: ‘My Pop’s okay.’
SOPHIA: 'Thank goodness.'
The pigs ran past, screaming.
CYRIL: (chasing after them) ‘You porkers are finished!!!’
BRITTANY: (giggles) 'Now that looks like something out of a cartoon!'
ALVIN: 'Better those Pigs than us this time, eh Brit?' (chuckles)
The others laugh in agreement, as they saw the Pigs and Cyril run out of the hospital.
NARRATOR: ‘That day, the Raccoons and their friends talked about their lives revolving around Cyril Sneer. As for Cyril, he appreciated the card Lisa and Michelle made for him. And as for the Pigs, well they survived, but their days of freedom were numbered.'

THE SNEER MANSION
The pigs were locked up in a room, watching, “Three Guys with a Cause,” on a black and white TV.
LLOYD: ‘I can’t believe it. Three months in Cedric’s old dungeon.’
FLOYD: ‘At least Master Cedric and Mistress Sophia give us plenty of food and drink.’
He took a bite out of a pizza.
BOYD: ‘Perhaps the Boss might set us free in a few days.’
FLOYD: ‘Or Master Cedric might convince him to let us go.’
BOYD: ‘I hope you’re right. And maybe he'll consider letting us listen to our new CDs.’
LLOYD: ‘Will you two pipe down. I’m trying to watch the show.’
They continued to watch TV.


THE END


MUSIC
LISA LOUGHEED: Hold Back Tomorrow
THE CHIPMUNKS & THE CHIPETTES: For the Longest Time


11.5.2008